Vaccination under the moon

Petr Sarukhanov / “New”

It's not enough for us to get into trouble, because something is still wrong with the Moon.

What happened? Maybe it was smoked by the smoking enterprises of Krasnoyarsk? Maybe they want to turn it off for us for non-payment? No, scientists report that things are even worse with the Moon.

Let's listen to some first. They argue that the Moon is getting farther and farther from the Earth and may even fly away from us to the Edren phene. Can you imagine? If you invite a girl to take a walk under the moonlight, you have to make sure that both are in place.

Let's listen to others. Those, on the contrary, are sure that the Moon will irreversibly come close to the Earth and, at best, will dock against it, raising a cloud of dust, and at worst, it will cause climatic changes and cataclysms – right up to the end of the world. You can also imagine: you are sitting on your garden plot under an apple tree and drinking tea with raspberries, and then a heavenly body whistling from above falls down and takes down a cucumber greenhouse. Who would like this?

One consolation: both, it turns out, can happen only after billions of years

and we are unlikely to live to see these troubles, even with the unswerving concern of the state about the duration of our life.

You will live here! With this coronavirus … you will break your head trying to understand something and somehow adapt to it. You pay good money for a blood test, you watch with excitement how many antibodies you have, you are glad that there are a lot of them. You call your friends, find out how many antibodies they have, and with some indignation you find out how they managed to rake in even more. Paid the laboratory assistant, not otherwise.

And then you read the comments of the professors, and here again there are two versions. One professor, wearing glasses and a hat, believes that with your antibodies you can give a damn about covid and even no one around you will get infected from the fact that you spit unsanitary. And you don't need any vaccinations, go for a walk with a girl under the moonlight and, don't be a fool, don't keep your social distance.

Another, also wearing glasses and also wearing a hat, on the contrary, warns: do not, they say, pay attention to these ghostly antibodies. They do not play any role, they say, and all over the world they have already ceased to be counted, or even did not begin at all. Run to get vaccinated, but even after that, don't come closer than one and a half meters to the girl.

Well, they would argue among themselves and disperse. So they give recommendations not to each other, but to a million people. Half a million believe one, half a million believe the second. And how not to believe? After all, they are both scientists, devoted to science with soul and antibodies.

The disease is new, scientists are old. Speak out as best they can. And we read, listen and learn that redheads are infected with covid less often than bald ones, and left-handers more often than those with flat feet. We are surprised how much the covid affects the intellect. A person has been ill and can no longer calculate the wavelength of a quantum in his mind. And what are they telling us about the harmful effects of coronavirus on memory? It turns out that after being discharged from the hospital, the patient can forget who went to the Duma in his constituency, and looking at the new price tags in the store, he won’t remember how much all these products cost just a month ago. There is no question of historical memory under such circumstances. She let us down badly even without covid.

We do not remember the dictatorship, collectivization and the Holodomor have been forgotten, repressions seem to have taken place, but they did not particularly affect anyone … Something with my memory, Stalin!

With questions about covid, you can now with equal success contact both a prominent expert and a neighbor who has recovered. Sometimes a neighbor who has gained bitter experience will give even more useful advice.

Science knows a lot of guitars. This ridiculous phrase was once very popular. In it, all the letters are found twice, and the card magicians lay out 20 cards on it in four rows. A kind of cheat sheet for them. So, a senseless “gitik” is, it seems, something that sometimes falls to us from science. We expect something useful from her, and she gives us a portion of gitics. And for any questions. Read at least what learned people write about coffee. Some argue that this is almost poison and in the case of unrequited love, you do not need to run with a stone around your neck to the edge of the river, just skip a couple of cups of meringue or cracker. The second assure that coffee is extremely useful … Or is it useful? Here other scientists, no longer some cardiologists, but linguists, for centuries could not figure out what kind of coffee – male or middle. In the end, the Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation issued an order 12 years ago, in which both options are equalized. Since then, coffee has been both wholesome and wholesome. By the way, the scientific ministry is still of a middle class.

And what has the scholarly disagreement on the question of sugar led to? Either it is a “white death”, or a source of energy for the body. It got to the point that the new coach of the Russian national football team, Valery Karpin, banned sweets from the players. So what? Have you seen our updated national team? Not sugared, but by the second half it usually turns sour.

It is time to end the amateurish arguments about science – you have to go get vaccinated with “Sputnik”. Somehow, unexpectedly, I end up with the companion with which I began. After all, the Moon is a satellite of the Earth. And we hope that the associations of the domestic vaccine with it end there. And then, after all, some experts say without proof that our vaccine, like the moon, has a dark flip side.

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