MOSCOW, June 9, Tatyana Pichugina.According to a recent survey by European scientists, almost a third of teenagers and young people found themselves in a situation where their acquaintances suddenly disappeared, did not respond to messages, abruptly broke off relationships without explanation. Another third did it themselves to others. This behavior on social media is called ghosting. Science is just starting to study it.
Abyss without explanation
In 2015, Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron found herself at the center of a scandal when she called off her engagement to Sean Penn. Information was leaked to the media that the star abruptly cut off contact with a former partner. This led the newspapers to accuse her of ghosting, one of the most traumatic ways to get out of a relationship.
The term «ghosting» comes from the English word ghost — a ghost. It first appeared in the dictionary of urban slang in 2006 and meant a break in predominantly virtual relationships. As the popularity of online dating has grown, ghosting has become a frequent occurrence and has come to the attention of science. In online dating, it means that a person, after active correspondence or even a couple of face-to-face meetings, without any explanation, abruptly cuts off the connection, does not respond to SMS messages, calls, emails. Goster (the one who initiated the break) is present on the Internet, writes posts on social networks, likes someone. At the same time, it becomes clear to the other side that the relationship is over.
Hosting accompanies the development of IT technologies, smartphones, dating applications. It is enough to ignore the messages of a person or block him in the messenger, remove him from friends in social networks. «Technical devices and media platforms provide easy access to relationships, but also easy exit from them,» researcher Leah Lefevre of the University of Alabama writes in a volume on the impact of social media on love. Ghosting is a technologically advanced method that is used to break the connection without showdown and open confrontation.
Such behavior extends not only to love relationships, but also to friendship, work, and academia. For example, researcher Aditya Simha recently shared her experience on the pages of Nature.
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What the victims of hosting feel
Hosting attracted the attention of scientists primarily because of its negative consequences. Dutch scientists leadThis is the survey data of almost four hundred adults: 37 percent of them experienced ghosting in dating applications and blamed themselves for this, 44 percent noted long-term psychological problems. According to some studies, people tolerate hosting worse than a clear rejection, perceive it as an unexpected and dishonest reception. American scientists note that ghosting is a kind of ostracism, that is, social ignorance, rejection.
The more a person needs certainty, the more his ghosting hurts. This revealedscientists from the United States, led by Christina Lector, interviewed several hundred people, of whom almost two-thirds found themselves in a situation where they were ignored without explanation, or they themselves used this method of breaking off relations. It turned out that ghosting between friends is no less traumatic than between loved ones. «It creates an ambiguous situation: one side does not know what is happening. For those who are waiting for an explanation, the negative effect is intensified,» the press service of the University of Georgia quoted Lector as saying.
Ghosting hurts self-esteem, a sense of belonging, the meaningfulness of existence. Paradoxically, people who are prone to certainty themselves strive to visit others, because they see completeness in this. However, this conclusion is not final, the authors of the work warn. » data-crop-width=»600″ data-crop-height=»1249″ data-source-sid=»rian_collage» class=»m-vertical lazyload» width=»1920″ height=»3997″ decoding=»async » />
Who suffers more
Ghosting is among similar phenomena — such as the fear of falling out of a social group, a veiled cry for help in the form of disturbing posts on social networks (vaguebooking). This is all a consequence of the use of social networks in order to make others understand: «I exist», «I am not alone», «I am with you». Having experienced neglect, a person seeks to restore social status. This conclusion was made by scientists from Austria, who interviewed almost a thousand young people aged 18-29.
A study by Austrians showed that the more often a person uses social networks, the higher the risk of becoming a victim of ghosting, fear of expulsion or anxious fasting. Women, out of habit, are a little less afraid of such manifestations. This is facilitated by anonymity and the ability to spy on the user on the Internet. Social networks can serve as a catalyst that reinforces bad character traits, does not contribute to the development of personality. However, this is a moot point, the authors point out.
Another workfrom Austria, this time based on long-term data collection, focuses on the causes of ghosting. The scientists surveyed 16-21-year-olds twice during 2021. It is this age group that actively uses social networks and virtual dating. From other studies, it is known that almost a third of teenagers and young people became ghosts, a quarter became their victims, almost one in two found themselves on both sides.
A total of 978 people were included in the first survey, of which 415 passed the second stage. Moreover, scientists were interested in breaking not only love relationships, but also friendships. In the first case, most often people disappeared from the radar due to an excess of messages. The Gosters noted that at some stage the correspondence went beyond their capabilities. The fact is that the beginning of a novel always takes a lot of time and resources, not everyone can stand it. And then the simplest solution is to ignore the interlocutor.
Friendship, on the contrary, is not so all-consuming, perhaps that is why the reasons for its termination are different. It turned out that more self-confident people are more likely to abruptly cut ties, but they suffer no less. Over time, they may become depressed. This shows that ghosting has a negative impact on both sides. Unexpectedly, but friendly ghosting was more traumatic than love.
It is noteworthy that scientists have not found a link between depression and the tendency to ghosting. But researchers from Australia showed that two unhealthy personality types — the grandiose and the vulnerable narcissist — are more likely to resort to him to end relationships. By the way, ghosting can take a more cruel form — zombing, writes the first author of the article Megan Wills on the pages of The Conversation. This is when a person suddenly disappears to also suddenly appear in your life months and even years later. The most reasonable thing in this case would be, the researcher concludes, to block the «zombies».