The decision to suspend the career of Pyeongchang Olympic silver medalist Mikhail Kolyada took it back in the fall of last year, which Sport spoke about then. However, he asked to hold off the release of the interview until the right moment. In July, the time has come.
«I'm not mentally okay, I need to stop»—I know that after the Grand Prix in Moscow, you had different thoughts about your future career — up to its end. What did you think?
— Such thoughts really were. I thought a lot and tried to figure out what to do next. I definitely need a break right now. I am mentally tired, plus there are health problems that need to be addressed.
—What is the reason for your current condition? It is not from scratch that the decision to take a break in a career arises.
— It's very difficult to describe. I can't be perfectly fit physically due to health issues, I'm mentally out of order. We spoke with Alexei Nikolaevich (Mishin, Kolyada's coach — ed. note), and he believes that some changes are taking place inside me, which I am not fully aware of. In such cases, when you don’t know what to do, it’s better to stop.
—Aren’t you afraid that you will be so involved in a break that you won’t want to return later?
—I’m not afraid. I already managed to understand that I really value figure skating. Not going now, as they say, skate on the nail and «goodbye.» But I definitely need time to exhale and inhale.
Many athletes with long careers have taken breaks. The most obvious example is that Evgeni Plushenko did not skate for three years after the gold at the 2006 Olympics, after Vancouver 2010 he took a break for two years, in my opinion. The longer the path for the athlete, the more pauses are needed. I've always wanted a long career.
— Sports routine — routine, training , OFP, painstaking work — you no longer enjoy it?
— Now does not bring. I need to be bored. When I moved to Alexei Nikolaevich, I was after a break, injury, surgery. Long time to recover. And almost from scratch I went through this path anew. I liked being tired in training. I liked everything related to sports. Yes, I rather like this business than not. Of course, in any job, something can sometimes get boring, and you want to smash against the wall, just not to do it.
Being a figure skater is the same job that I don’t want to do through my sleeves, and even more so I don’t want to do it through force. Therefore, at the moment I just need to stand, wait, restore strength and health, so that later I can run further.
—Won't age become an obstacle to returning?
—No. Well, now I feel like I'm kind of old by conventional sporting standards. But I evaluate my condition and understand that I can still give odds to many. Endurance, speed and so on. Therefore, I don’t feel physically old.
— What will you do, Misha?
— I’ll find a lot to do.
— Will it be something fundamentally new?
— Absolutely not related to sports or ice. Well, I will definitely do jogging, because I really like it.
«Of course, I wanted to go to the Olympics»— Some time has passed since Beijing 2022. How painful is the topic of the Olympics, which you did not manage to attend?
— There is little. Of course I wanted to go there. But no one is to blame here. It happens, people get sick, especially at a time when this infection flies around, and we live in a fairly large city. Frankly speaking, I even know where and when I fell ill.
— When did you finally realize that you were not going to the Olympics?
— I realized this quite early. I pass and pass tests, and they are positive. And what should I do in Krasnoyarsk? Well, let's say I go there sick. And what? I re-infect everyone, God forbid, that's all. The whole team will fall down.
— Did you want to prove something to yourself and others by participating in this Olympics?
— I just wanted to come there and work in such a way that I liked it myself. And the only thing I regret is that it basically happened that I didn’t have this chance.
— What do you mean by a rather formalized concept of “I liked it myself”?
— I it's hard to explain it. I can only say that I'm so self-critical that I have to try to please me.
—Are we talking about technique or special musicality, inspiration, and so on?
— Together. It is necessary not only to rattle the jumps, but also the second maximum mark.
«Most of the time the world is terribly cruel»—Remember such a start when you would be completely satisfied with yourself?
— Surely they were, but now, I think, I will not name them. This past. Even today will not happen again.
— There is some kind of sadness in this acceptance.
— No, on the contrary, it's high. I'm very thrilled. Today, for example, I had a great day.
— But if today is already history, then what is the point of your perfectionism in principle?
— So life is finite. I will not think on my deathbed about how to correct past mistakes. It's closer to me to treat her like an old friend, like Harry Potter says. Every day we ourselves make a choice how we want to live it.
—Do you remember the moment when you decided that you would build relations with the outside world in a fundamentally different way? I'm not even talking about journalists, but about personal social networks. When was it and what is it connected with?
— I remember. I abandoned Instagram (the activities of Meta (social networks Facebook and Instagram) are banned in Russia as extremist), because I realized that it takes a lot of strength and energy from me. And then they may not be enough for real things. Refused social networks, from «VKontakte». I drive now only a cart, but in so far as. There are news — delight the public. And when there is no news… I also read the comments. They write: «Oh, how are you there, alive and well?» I'm alive and well, everything is fine.
And in a global sense, about my changes … Maybe I'm just the kind of person who does not like to bother. Okay, I won't breed it all.
— No, please breed it.
— Well, there is such a moral rule: treat the world as you would like it to treat you. But this doesn't work in reality. It happens that the world treats well, but not always. More often than not, the world is terribly cruel. And when you begin to realize this, there are two options: slide into depression or take responsibility for your own life and live it the way you want. Which I did.
— You once said that you don't get upset because of the evil criticism, the general negativity around you. It turns out that this is still a protective mask?
— Of course, I'm upset. I am alive and vulnerable, I react to many things. It would be great if I didn’t pay attention to anything — injections addressed to me, to relatives, and so on. I just now know what to do with it, but I didn’t know before. Therefore, I felt bad, hurt, hurt, plus I cheated myself even more.
— How do you feel about the talk that you are overestimated?
— I repeat myself, I repeat, I am very self-critical. For mistakes, they give me what is supposed to be, and if they give a lot for everything else … So otherwise I skate well.
— Some of your critics think that you don't give a damn about mistakes. Like, well, fell — and okay. You don't feel any responsibility. Isn't that right?
“It’s strange for me to hear this, because I always worry very much. Maybe even stronger than necessary. Maybe this is what torments me from the inside, although right at the time of the speech I should not think about it. He fell and fell, God bless him, we must continue to work. But I don’t always manage to let go of the situation.
— Why do you like figure skating?
— A lot of things. In fact, the question is very complex. I have nothing to compare with. I didn't have another life. Maybe deep down I wish I could rewind everything and do things differently. But it’s not a fact that I would be so happy at my age if I changed the past.
— And if you still try to reason?
— In principle, I can’t live without sports, I need to move. If we imagine that there will be another lockdown and we will be sent home, I will find a physical job anyway.
I am extremely grateful to him for the fact that I was lucky to meet a loved one, my wife. We live happily, love each other.
Figure skating has influenced me as a person. And it did it hard, straight, straighter nowhere. In sports, in general, everything is like this (chopping the air with his hand — ed. note): either you are a champion, or you are not a champion. Either handsome or loser. And there can be no other. And when black and white are on the scales, you quickly begin to understand everything. You grow up. Although I can't say that I'm super-wise, mature, and so on — I continue to get bumps.
— You said a very important thing. In sports, everything is really very straight forward, and you, it seems to me, are rather tortuous. You are thinner, more sensitive, more vulnerable than is usually accepted here. And it was possible to fit into this straight line of sports only by cutting yourself pretty well.
— Perhaps. I have always had to overcome a lot of resistance. But I'm not complaining, everything is in the treasury of experience.
— Remember, three years ago in an interview you called yourself a black sheep? And then they skated the program «White Raven».
— Yes, it turned out symbolically. As he was a black sheep, he remained.