How to maintain a comfortable life for the servants of the people, without violating the orders of the President
The President said: it is necessary. It is necessary for officials to change to cars of domestic production. Officials, of course, answered: yes. Some didn't even need to be ordered. Among such seers ahead of the locomotive is the head of the Kaliningrad region Anton Alikhanov. As the governor stated, today he is already driving a Russian car, namely a Volkswagen Tiguan.
Photo: Global Look Press
Moreover, the former official car, the official specified, he also had a domestic one — Mitsubishi Outlander. Some of the readers may decide that they missed some important geopolitical (or at least economic) changes in the news flow. But this is not true. The governor simply meant that these machines were assembled in Russia. And therefore, they can be considered Russian.
Such a broad understanding of domesticity, of course, can hardly be called indisputable. After all, then, it turns out, Immanul Kant, the most famous native of Kaliningrad, can be called a Russian philosopher.
The parents of Volkswagen Tiguan and Mitsubishi Motors are, respectively, the German company Volkswagen AG and the Japanese Mitsubishi Group, which do not have any Russian roots. And the progenitor of the German car, by the way, did not tolerate our Fatherland at all. For reference: the idea of u200bu200bcreating a «people's car», which is how it is translated from the German Volkswagen, belongs to none other than Adolf Hitler.
But let's not be too picky. After all, as they say, checkers are not important to us. The main thing is that the servants of the people should travel calmly and comfortably. If they are calm and comfortable in the Volkswagen Tiguan and other Mitsubishi, then God bless him, we will consider them Russian cars. Whatever their excellencies amuse themselves with, as long as they are not distracted from thoughts about the people and the national economy, about how to raise our well-being and strengthen import substitution.
However, without in any way criticizing the approach itself, we dare to suggest some adjustments. Well, well, today Mr. Governor, like many other officials, drives a foreign car assembled in Russia. But Western and Japanese car brands are not assembled in Russia anymore. What to do if you have to update the fleet, and the soul and the fifth point will still require comfort appropriate to the status?
However, «if» here, perhaps, is inappropriate. Not «if», but «when». Our dignitaries hardly change their cars less often than gloves: it is not customary to drive «elderly» cars in these circles — not comme il faut. Well, the habit of our elite to the luxury that distinguishes and separates it from the plebs in general refers to our enduring, eternal, traditional values. So it was, so it is, and so it will always be.
Some servants of the people have such a strong craving for new and comfortable things that, figuratively speaking, they spit on the president and his demands from a high bell tower. According to one of the online publications, in the week that has passed after the “automobile” speech of the head of state, state structures have announced at least six tenders for foreign cars for a total of 53.5 million rubles.
But we will not recommend this method, because it is absolutely impossible to predict the scale and seriousness of the anti-foreign brand campaign. Who knows? Maybe it's really serious. Perhaps the condescending attitude towards ignoring presidential directives is the calm before the storm. As one character of Sergei Dovlatov, a colleague of the president at his first job, said, «the authorities educate, educate, but they can also punish.» In general, God saves the safe.
Besides, in any case, we need a unified, comprehensive, state approach. Approximately the same as described in Vladimir Sorokin's story «The Day of the Oprichnik». In fact, the story is considered a dystopia, but someone — and there are probably many of them today — will consider the world drawn by the author, on the contrary, worthy of imitation.
Well, cars in this hypothetical Russia of the future, as far as one can judge, are not produced at all. Especially luxury cars. Nevertheless, security officials, faithful servants of the sovereign, drive around in luxurious cars with native names that do not scratch the patriotic ear.
Here is a characteristic excerpt from the work: “My gelding is standing at the gate — scarlet, like my shirt, squat, clean. Shines in the sun with a transparent cabin. head to the bumper of the gelding, the broom to the trunk. I put my hand to the lock of the gelding, the transparent roof pops up. I sit down on a reclining black leather seat. I buckle myself up. I start the engine. , surrounded by an old, snow-covered spruce forest… Beauty!..
The cars of the guardsmen are the same for everyone — in Moscow, in Orenburg, in Oymyakon: four-hundred-horsepower «geldings»-compartments of the color of a ripe tomato.»
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What specific car the author had in mind — only the author himself knows. In principle, it can be assumed that «gelding» is the popular, unofficial name of the German «Mercedes». But, firstly, other foreign brands of the brand are in the book under their «natural» names. Secondly, it is claimed that the «geldings» are made in China: «Batin» gelding «is noble — wide, big-eyed, squat, glass three fingers thick. Chinese craftsmen made it soundly, what they call tezode — made by special order. On the bumper the head of a shepherd dog, a steel broom on the trunk.» Thirdly, dog heads are very poorly combined with the «Merdedesov» star. With the brand «Merin» — much better.
Be that as it may, the idea is clear. It is not at all necessary to produce executive-class cars so that our officials can move comfortably. It is enough to give them our, Russian names, and consider the change of nameplate as a sufficient level of localization for such baptism. The same «Mercedes» is called the same «gelding». And if the folk version seems insufficiently euphonious and/or offensive, hinting at the physical characteristics of the owner (recall, a gelding is a castrated stallion), then, for example, a «bear» or «Muromets».
BMW could would be dubbed «beaver», «Bentley» — «beluga», «Toyta» — «Tatiana», «Volkswagen» — «Foma», «Mitsubishi» — «Misha». And for the king of the executive class, for Rolls-Royce, to find something befitting his high status, majestic. How about «Russia the Great»? And what? Quite appropriate — dignified and patriotic. In general, we can, if we want, find a way out. And fuss, you see, there will be quite a bit. The main thing is to ensure the parallel import of future domestic cars. The rest is a matter of imagination and simple technique.
Yes, by the way, old Soviet brands can also be used in this project. What is bad, for example, «Moskvich»? Although here we seem to be late: the idea is already being implemented — with the help of the same skilled Chinese craftsmen. Which, however, once again confirms its viability and prospects. We are on the right track, gentlemen. Predicted.