Russian champion in ice dancing Elizaveta Khudaiberdieva in an interview with Sport told how she and her partner Yegor Bazin ended up in the group of Alexander Zhulin, how the coach found a tough word for her and how her husband helped her cope with many years of bulimia.
— During the Olympics, we talked with you, and I remember how much uncertainty pressed on you — are you going to Beijing, not going … Two years later, did those feelings let you go? No Gestalts left?
— My strength is that I can accept the rules of the game. We then became the fourth pair at the Russian Championship — well, taking into account Vika and Nikita (Sinitsina/Katsalapova), who are out of the competition. I understood that this was it. And I accepted it on the day of the free dance. And it was hard because I didn’t seem to have to go there, but I’m getting ready. Or should? Should be in the morning, but not in the evening. This is how things changed so quickly. The subjunctive mood is the most difficult for me. exhaled. We were given two weeks off. I was at home, watching the Olympic Games. I didn’t pee anything.
— Did you watch them as a spectator, and not as an athlete?< br>
No, as an athlete. As a first spare. Which will do anything to get there.
But now Yegor and I have improved relations in a couple, so much energy has appeared. That even realizing that this, and the next, and the next season may be closed, we still have something to say. The past was not smooth at all. There was a feeling of dissatisfaction. We loved our free dance so much, but it didn't turn out perfect at the big competitions. The motivation now is just to do what you like. In full force and in a buzz.
All my previous seasons I had a fear that I would need to go on the ice after the rest, but I didn’t rest, and I didn’t have the strength. Figure skating has always been in the foreground for me, but in the spring, due to many changes that happened at the same time, it became completely general. I haven’t felt such pleasure for a very long time that I’m on the ice and just doing cross-country runs — that’s what I felt with bated breath at the very first training session after the vacation.
>- Your transition to Alexander Zhulin caused an unhealthy stir. Can you now explain why you left Denis Samokhin, what you were looking for in the new team? . I felt like I was fading away. Everything was too hard for me. Egor was also difficult. He supported me in all the arguments that I cited. So it was a mutual decision.
I'm still the kind of person who doesn't act spontaneously. I will always think everything over a billion times — the consequences, the pros, the cons. Of course, this (thoughts that something needs to be changed — ed.) lasted a long time. Not a season or two.
— Did you think that everything would endure and fall in love?
— Yes. As an athlete, you always look for the problem in yourself first. Perhaps I just need to work harder, be patient, wait. But no, there comes a day when you can no longer convince yourself of this.I have been with this group for seven years. Often the relationship of coaches with athletes develop into something native, family. This happens — Vasilisa and Valera (Kaganovskaya/Angelopol) say that this is how they feel with Angelica Krylova. Each athlete and coach is comfortable in their own way. I always felt like the leader of the group, but we didn't need to feel like we were a family. At some point, they really believed in me, because I came to their very first athlete, whom they raised from childhood. A 13-year-old girl with no experience at all got paired with an adult boy. They gave me a chance, and I paid for it with super performance.
We never had conflicts, including my transitional age. I always clearly knew that the coach is the person who leads me. An adult who spends a lot of time and attention on me. It is necessary to pacify emotions, shove your «I» away, be silent. We have been like this for quite some time. I am grateful to them for everything, because all that I am is Maria Borovikova, Denis Samokhin and Nikolai Nikonov. They taught me everything — from the fact that the skates should be white with clean laces, ending with the execution of the counter. The coaches knew me from the age of a child and that's how they always perceived me — as a child. Even when I got older. This was one of the problems.
Perhaps the transition to adult sports played a role, the responsibility of the first couple of the country — we were the first and only ones with them. It seems to me that due to inexperience, some points were missed. Sometimes we would like to have something explained to us. Or they said something else. It's like little things, but they coalesce into a big snowball that crushes you. Everyone seems to have misunderstood each other a little.- There was a moment when Denis Eduardovich told the press: «It was Lisa's decision. Egor wrote to us about this.» But this is not entirely true, because we initially came with Yegor to him, we wanted to say goodbye and say everything personally. There was no dialogue, there was a rather emotional, chaotic monologue on his part, after which we parted ways. And after that, Egor decided to add clarity, speak out and wrote him a message.
I really hope that someday emotions will subside. I have no complaints and questions to them, only gratitude. Leaving one coach for another is like changing jobs. Absolute norm.
— Do you remember what epithets you used before, describing, for example, the Russian Championship? Sticky air, the feeling that you are at gunpoint. Everything was about torment, pain and suffering. And what now — a second wind, love, pleasure.
— What a horror. It turns out that it could have been different. I feel like a phoenix right now.
— Happiness that I manage to experience this during my career. Imagine if many people end up without feeling the calm pleasure.
— There are a lot of them. There are even champions. Of course, I will not say by name, but there are adult athletes who have achieved all the heights, who felt figure skating only as hard work.
I am grateful to fate for this opportunity. That I don’t skate, but ride.
«My morning begins with» Lizonka, hello! the feeling is something like this: “I will have the Olympics — super. There will be no Olympics — super».“We all really hoped and believed, waited and prayed that they would let us in. Of course, you really want to go there. When we were not allowed a year ago, I was right in a coma. When the suspension extension was announced this season, it wasn't like we didn't know what to do next. There was no stupor. We know: there are skates, there are competitions, there is a plan…- Haha, yes! Terribly banal phrase, but it really happened. Not a second of doubt. It is unfortunate that everything is so, but we are working on.
— Sergey Georgievich (Petukhov), Petr Vyacheslavovich (Durnev), Sasha — Alexander Vyacheslavovich (Zhulin), Dima Ionov, other specialists — a lot with us work. And about the same amount of time we work on our own. That is, if we imagine that all of them will not be at the rink, we will not lose a day.
The initiative comes from us. As soon as the coaches see her, they immediately turn on. No one will force anyone.
Since April, no one has ever raised his voice. There just wasn't a situation where it would have been necessary. Because of this, a very healthy environment. You come to work with pleasure.
Plus, of course, they are very supportive. As soon as they see some improvement, they immediately tell you that you are just a figure skating genius. I'm exaggerating, of course, but for me it's incredibly important. I am charging and ready to work another ten hours. Egor is the same.
And yes, how cool it is to start your working day at 11 am! We have class at 10 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and ice at 11. It doesn’t happen before. There are full-time working days and full-fledged weekends, during which you manage to miss the ice. A very important point is a convenient schedule. I missed this before. I could receive a message on Sunday evening that Monday is a day off. It was impossible to have any life of your own.
— From the outside it seems that people go to Zhulin not so much for the notorious resource — ice, conditions, professional weight — but for the lack of anguish in work.
— This is a very accurate wording. There is no drama as a phenomenon. It was indicative at the training camp. The second week has begun — this is the most critical moment. When everyone is already tired, but at the same time active work is going on. We go out on the ice, Monday, the day is just terrible. All wrong. But coaches understand that this happens, and this is normal.
We worked somehow on rotation. We rotated for an hour and a half, came up with new poses — it doesn’t work. And we are both emotional, we need everything at once. Freaked out. We boil. We're going to the edge. «What are you mad about? Nothing, the first position was good. Do it again. Didn't work? Nothing, but the rise was perfect.» Such benevolent composure in response to our psycho. I felt it and so-a-ak appreciated it.Two hours after the break, we went to training. We succeeded in everything that did not work out in these two months.
And so in everything.
— This is such a pedagogical gift?
— It seems to me that this is an experience. Almost 20 years ago, Sasha made Tanya and Roma (Navka/Kostomarov) Olympic champions. Plus, Zhulin himself was an adult active athlete and probably remembers what was good for him and what hindered him.
— Maybe inner harmony from self-realization is important? A person who is satisfied with himself, career and life is unlikely to want to humiliate others, assert himself at their expense and build a rigid vertical of control.
— It is possible that this also affects. Or he is just a very attentive person. My morning begins with «Lizonka, hello!» and smiles from ear to ear. Say hello to the boys, hug everyone.
Yesterday I didn't feel well. It was raining, and I'm weather dependent. The pressure is 90 to 50. I go out on the ice half dead and see that they are already smiling at me. Well, I'm somewhere already easier. And then they ask me: «Are you all right? How do you feel?» Then you get even stronger morally yourself.
«They say you and Stepanova are already fighting for music there»
— This is your first time in a group with such strong competition turned out to be. Comfortable?
“I think we have a very healthy environment in the team. I do not rule out that this comes from the coaching staff. A couple of weeks ago, a journalist wrote to me: «They say you and Stepanova are already fighting for music there.» I showed Sasha. They laughed that it was necessary to shoot a video on the social network of how we fight.
We have all grown-up well-bred cool comrades. We're still not friends — we don't have to be. We just work together. Sasha and Vanya are so positive. Vanya is generally the most cheerful person I have ever seen. Even when it is most unpleasant and bad for him. Sasha is always very sweet and positive. We leave the rink in different directions, but on the rink no one bullies each other, does not quarrel. We follow with interest who did what and came up with what. It's cool when someone does something cool and everyone applauds him. » />
— And if the entire pedestal at the Russian Championships is Zhulin's?
— What is the most important thing you have learned from Zhulin in these few months?
— «******** (get off) yourself. Don't touch. Relax. You're awesome. Work with that feeling.»
—We all need some Zhulin.< /strong>
— Oh yes! Yegor has changed a lot, to be honest, I fell in love with him as an athlete. I'm proud to be my partner. He became so free! I don't know what they told him. Probably, too, to lag behind. He relaxed, calmed down, believed in himself. I realized that he is cool.
— Your blond made a splash in the off-season. Especially when it became clear that you and Egor were moving to Alexander Zhulin, known for his creative sympathy for blondes — Tatyana Navka, Ekaterina Bobrova, Victoria Sinitsina …
— I dyed my hair, by the way, in early March, when there was still no decision to move. But in the comments, of course, they wrote: in any case, Zhulin forced her to paint! (laughs)
—There was a conspiratorial humorous version that this is his condition for your transition.
“It was my inner desire for myself. I came to the master and said: I can’t, I’m ready to break into a cake, as I want a blond! In general, I was ready for the fact that I would have Ksyusha Stolbova's hairstyle. That is, the hair will fall off and it will be necessary to cut it like a boy.
But they didn’t fall off, probably because I hadn’t done anything with them for two and a half years before. They were in really great condition. People write that I have dry hay, but in principle they are curly and porous. It's just more noticeable now. Dear comrades, I know perfectly well that in natural color I am brighter, more noticeable and look, perhaps, better. But now I like it and want it so much.
— How did the new coaches perceive you renewed? This moment does not always go smoothly.
— They supported me. They said: «You are very beautiful. Both dark and light.» I say: «What should I be like? Maybe I should ask someone how they would better accept me?» «What difference does it make how you are received. Do as you please.»
Now I like it this way. Maybe in six months I'll decide to dye my hair brunette again. Or cut off the caret. It's such a thing — it's constantly changing.
«Can't watch you kill yourself»
—There was a lot of talk last season about you having an aggravation RPP. That you were lying almost under droppers, recovering. Let's dot the i's.
— There were definitely no droppers. Even when it was really necessary, because I got poisoned before the Russian Championship, they didn’t give me drips. They are banned under the anti-doping rules, so write it down.
Everything that I will tell you next is difficult and difficult, but necessary. So many people last season decided that I had problems, because my face has changed not so much as a body. They said that I did plastic surgery, some injections. Or that I lost a lot of weight.
I had bulimia for seven years, since I was 12. Because of this, people got used to me as a chubby girl. And I was just always swollen. When you have bulimia, swelling is always with you — face, eyes, body.
I am very fortunate that I apparently have a very strong body from the very beginning. He somehow functioned all this time and did not suffer much, because every six months I underwent UMO (in-depth medical examination — ed. note). And everything was great. The analyzes showed that everything was normal, but I did not tell anyone. For this reason, no one knew about the huge problems. Many girls — gymnasts, figure skaters with bulimia — quickly began to have health problems.
Fortunately, it so happened that Kirill pulled me out of this bottom (Blagov, journalist and producer — ed.) . For which I will always be grateful to him. He really pulled me out of the coffin. I was killing myself in the truest sense of the word.
We gradually accelerated my metabolism, and at some point I began to eat like a normal person. All the swelling has gone. The face and body have changed. In the Olympic season, I weighed 51 kilograms, and at the skates a year ago, when everyone was already saying that I was hellishly thin, I weighed 50. The difference is only a kilogram. But due to the fact that all my water came down, people stopped recognizing me and thought that I had big problems.
— How did this struggle for normal nutrition go?— In the Olympic season, the degree of the problem was critical: I broke down every day. Really everyone. Cyril saw all my pens, and although he did not understand them, he accepted me even like this. In the spring after the season, he said: please, let's try to cope with this together, I beg you. I can't watch you kill yourself.
When we decided to start eating, Kirill asked, for example, what I usually ate for breakfast. But my brain didn't remember it. «How much do you need to eat?» But I don’t know, because before everything I ate, I didn’t leave in myself. My body couldn't digest the food. I used to live like this: I woke up, drank coffee, trained until three in the afternoon, ate something and everything was out. And so many years in a row. I didn't know how to get out of this. I resigned myself to the fact that, at best, I would die in 15 years from thyroid or throat cancer. Or stomach ulcers. Either my heart will fail or my liver will fail. And I didn't know how to deal with it. It's like drug addiction, like a disease from which you can't escape alive.
At first, I ate one testicle a day, but I kept it in myself and digested it myself. Slowly, gradually, I got out. People didn't understand why I had so many food photos. And I just started eating. I used to think that I would never in my life be able to come to a restaurant, eat pasta and … keep it to myself. Thought it was impossible.
— On social media while on vacation, you had a photo from the legendary pizzeria in Naples. How many pieces did you allow yourself then?
I can't say for sure, because I don't count them now. I ate as much as I wanted. I remember exactly that I ate a piece of marinara and I didn’t like it. Margarita really liked, and then I ate it. I remember that I even ate a little. I was walking down the street and thinking how cool I was.
— Didn't the RPP come back to you last season?
— When problems and mistakes began, psychological pressure, there was a period when I simply began to eat less on my own, because I didn’t want to because of general stress. But then it passed. Now I can happily confirm that I'm fine.
— And what about the poisoning at the Russian Championships? It seemed to be the lowest weight in his career.
— A week before the championship, I got the flu. And three days before him, she vomited more than she saw. Apparently, intoxication from antiviral drugs began, the liver stopped coping, and I got poisoned. For three days I did not eat anything, not because of the RPP, but because I simply could not. And I came to the championship with a weight of 45 kilograms.
I was scared to compete, because on the day of the draw at breakfast, before I even had time to take a sip of water, I already started to feel sick. A day later, the start, but I can not eat. I was just a skeleton, it was terrible.
After the Russian Championship, the leadership of the federation, represented by Elena Anatolyevna Chaikovskaya and the doctors of the FMBA, helped me a lot with the restoration of health after the flu and poisoning. There were many problems, up to the point that I woke up with a pulse of 98, while the norm for an athlete is 44. The pressure jumped.
— An instructive story. And that with the desire and perseverance, you can cope with the RPP. And that what we see is not always true.
“It’s ironic that when everything became in order in my relationship with food, I finally began to live, people who did not know what I looked like in a normal state decided that I had problems. The worst thing is that they wrote as a fact about what was not, what they do not know. That they began to shift the responsibility onto my loved one. Everyone wrote: it is because of her husband that she is so thin. He wants her to be like this. I was torn apart by a sense of injustice. Kirill is the only person who accepted me like that, who could not remain silent, suspecting some problems, who pulled me out of there and literally saved my life and my future.
— What's new in your personal life, Lisa? I leave you the right not to answer this question.
Thank you for this right. Although I am a public person, I have the right to a private life. I can talk about what I want and not talk if I don't want to. I am amused by comments like: «You have to tell.» I have to take care of my appearance, treat people kindly, I have to call my mom and dad. And I don't owe anything to anyone. Even the fans, whom I respect a lot. I really hope that people will have the tact not to poke me in this and remember that as soon as I want, I will tell. Or I won't tell you.
— How are you going into the new season?
“I used to be very afraid of the start of the season. Now I understand that I'm eager to start as soon as possible. I want to be in the atmosphere of the competition, when there are spectators, when we show our new programs and costumes. I want us to enjoy. It's not like a job, it's an art. Art may or may not be liked by some, but it certainly evokes emotions in people.
Honestly, I don't think about competition at all. It is clear that I want to become the champion of Russia for the second time. But as? It would be foolish to say that I don't care. And that I don't care if they let us into international competitions. Like where to ride — do not care. Of course not! I want to go to Europe, to the world, to the Olympic Games. I ride for this all my life, of course, I want to become the best, win everything. But this is not an end in itself. This is a nice bonus. Mostly, I just fell in love with figure skating like never before.
— In the last interview, you said that at the age of 16 you realized that life is a hard thing. At the age of 20, what do you think about it?
— I confirm that she is not sugar. And it turns out that things may not go according to plan. But she is still beautiful, no matter how trite it may sound. In a difficult time of lack of at least some stability, you find other values for yourself. There is a favorite thing, close people are alive and well. This makes it easier.