Alina Gorbacheva, whom all of Moscow was looking for on Tuesday, published a message on social networks apologizing for the delivered inconvenience. She noted that now she is at home “with her beloved coach and mother”, she does not change the team and in general everything is fine. Sport derives from a particular case the global problem of attitudes towards children in sports.
Well, shall we part ways? “We work further” and do not pay attention? No matter how it is.
It is necessary to say a few things about the situation with the disappearance of the 16-year-old Russian junior champion Alina Gorbacheva (already found – thank God, alive and unharmed). Not “possible”, but it is necessary.First and foremost, no one has the right to accuse a girl of anything. After the news about the discovery of Alina in one of the cinemas in Moscow, many began to write comments in the spirit of “such and such, everyone is looking for her, but she is doing nonsense, watching movies!” Fortunately, not so much to drown out the voice of an adequate public. Even prominent figures of Russian figure skating were noted. For example, Tatyana Anatolyevna Tarasova condemned Alina.Everything from the fact that in our country, in principle, it is not customary to listen to a child. “Traditional values”, rattling house-building chains, elevate adults above children at a distance of several light years. Giving them unlimited power and unquestioning authority, which the child has no right to challenge, at least until he “grows up” and “understands”.
Sometimes these chains concern completely trivial, at first glance, things – they don’t let them go for a walk, they don’t let them do their favorite hobbies, or they mock at problems that are frivolous and insignificant from the point of view of an adult, but very important for a teenager. But even because of such trifles, a cheerful child can turn into a closed, unsociable and unhappy one. And the worst thing is that, according to established norms of morality, he himself will be to blame for this.
Do you think this only happens in sports? Yes, if only it were that simple. After all, sport is the same life, only more severe, cruel, but profitable. It’s like working on oil wells – always all dressed in something dark brown, health to hell, buzzing in the ears, the danger is terrible, but if you’ve already drilled it … It’s true that there, in sports, put a match – everything will fly into the air. But who pays attention to such trifles?The problem of the relationship between parents and children is very acute in our country, Alina's case once again emphasized this. I guess it's not a secret for anyone that from the age of 9 (now the girl is 16) Alina did not live with her mom and dad, but with her coach Sofia Fedchenko, who turned 28 this year. As Sofya said in an interview, this happened because Alina's mother, Ekaterina, did not want to move from the south of Moscow closer to Khimki, so that her daughter would not have to spend 3 hours a day on the road to the skating rink. Having traveled for some time in this mode for training, Alina herself asked Fedchenko to take her to live with her, she did not refuse.
However, like mom. At that time, there were no serious conflicts between her and Alina. The figure skater herself spoke about the same – they say, the relationship deteriorated later. I'm not sure that I have the right to voice the whole situation, so I will say this – rather, the reasons are in domestic disagreements, rather than in the financial aspect. . Unfortunately, many adults consider communication with children something above their dignity. I will not categorically state that it was so here, but it is very similar.
Over time, Alina's relationship with her mother became more and more tense. We can say that they actually collapsed and Fedchenko took over the functions of the parent. She took the girl on vacation, did homework with her and paid for tutors, educated and taught life. Obviously, all this did not come from Sophia's great desire to play with the family – it just didn’t work out otherwise. Is she to blame for what happened? Is it only that she generally shouldered this burden of responsibility. It is unlikely that anyone in her place would have coped. Rather, she was simply unlucky to be between two fires.
Are parents and other relatives to blame? I will leave the right of answer to the reader, but as a reference I will leave the following: finding herself in a difficult situation, Alina was literally left all alone. And she decided not to go to her mother, which is an hour away, not to call her father in Krasnodar, but to run away wherever her eyes look. As for the relatives who are now actively talking about the horrors of the “room Gestapo” in the press, as I understand it, no one has seen them on the horizon for a long time.
Let's face it – in Russia there is a problem of total dislike for children. It can be either direct (“I don’t like it”, like Andrei Zvyagintsev in the film of the same name), or indirect, but the consequences for the child’s psyche are still devastating. In sports, regardless of Alina and Sophia it will be said, it sometimes manifests itself in beatings, humiliation of human dignity and other unsightly details that are usually hidden behind a screen of beautiful dresses and high results.
Yes, children are beaten in figure skating. Yes, children are yelled at and called names with such words that their ears wither. Yes, they are driven to eating disorders and other psychological problems. And yes, we journalists are also to blame for this. We need to talk more and not hush up anything. Then, perhaps, the governing bodies will figure something out, and not get off with the on-duty “We work on.”
But it is much more terrible that all this on a more “herbivorous” scale can occur in absolutely any normal family, of which there are definitely more than the entire figure skating family. And for this you do not need any problems with money, or marginal inclinations – just being a “traditional” parent is enough. The author of this text and many of his friends encountered something similar in their time. Almost certainly faced by those who are reading the material right now.The participants in the story would like to wish the following. Alina – find happiness anywhere and with anyone. Sophia – patience and wisdom, they will now walk through it with special zeal (in my opinion, undeservedly). And parents – to find the strength to make peace with their daughter and help her continue doing what she loves. If not now, then when at all?
Neither enthusiasts like Sophia Fedchenko, nor the state, which, whatever it is, is still a “apparatus” (the official term, if anything) should fight the global problem ) without soul and compassion. We ourselves must take this into our own hands. Rethink the parent-child relationship to move away from the “I'm the boss – you're the fool” paradigm. Learn to listen and hear even those who are younger and more naive. Eradicate hatred for something from yourself and realize that a person cannot be condemned for his choice. Finally, understand that the child most often needs only support and attention from the closest people. They must not be denied under any pretext.
I believe that we are able to reverse this. In general, there is no one except us.
The opinion of the author may not coincide with the position of the editors.